Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
