saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
