i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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