Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my poor anus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
