i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
