no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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