Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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