oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
smell my finger.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
