I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Houston, we have a blender
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
