The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
