peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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