You're so nebulous sometimes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
