O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
