The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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