oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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