Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
