I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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