dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
