are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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