do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
