boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
