My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
