dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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