Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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