I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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