I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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