Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
