I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
