my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
