Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
