He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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