I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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