Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
