Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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