I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize