If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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