I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
