my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
