there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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