before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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