Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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