Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
