Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the day after is always just damage control
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
