Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
