I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
