Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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