Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
