I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize