I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
