i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
