I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
