the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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