I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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