I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you didnt know i had herpes?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
