I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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