Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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