didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
