your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
