I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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