my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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