grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
