were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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