I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
