You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize