you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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