My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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