help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
