Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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