This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
