ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
