Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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